I interviewed three Harvard applicants today, two of whom were children of immigrant families. Both suffered a few setbacks as a result of their family's financial situations, one having to turn down an admission to MIT and another having to quit cheerleading for which she won numerous awards since a young age. I can't say I liked them both, but I could sense that they are tough kids. Whether or not they get into Harvard, they are far more advanced than many kids their age.
Then I thought about kids I teach, many of whom grow up in one of toughest neighborhoods in Brooklyn but have been pampered in charter schools. Some have suffered a lot; a few are tough and responded well, others have emotional and disciplinary issues that they are dealing with. But all in all, I can see that setbacks and sufferings are opportunities for a person to grow, even though some wither as a result.
I think about my parents. While their life stories are still being written in Haiti and through those whom they have met, I am a reflection of their character and values. Yes, I'm a child of God, there is no question. But my parents raised me and shaped a lot of my perspectives and habits. While I am a grave sinner in need of God's grace daily, my parents gave me so much inner strength to deal with the world that they deserve credit for my every success. And I realized, the biggest source of their teaching was their own lives: how they moved here to the States and worked two jobs, getting down to probably the lowest rung of the career ladder perceivable, which is more remarkable given the Korean society's social norms. All so that I could get the highest level of education attainable. Yet they never complained or put their misery as my or my sister's fault, simply carrying on and dealing with all sorts of scumbags and crap (sometimes, literally) that came on their way. But even with their son and daughter achieving academic success, they did not ignore a calling from God to suffer even more, going to an extremely dangerous and uncomfortable place to serve God's children who are uncared for by others.
When I look at them and the job that they have done, I am immensely thankful for two things: that they have set such a high bar in raising me, and that they inspire me to do the same for my children. As my tenure as a teacher grows, I am beginning to realize how my actions/behaviors speak volume. I will no longer be late to school. I will no longer leave my classroom unorganized and cluttered. I am so much more than a person who teaches them math; I am a model that they look up to, and with some kids, that they like.
And thank God for this opportunity that will help me, hopefully :), to be more like my parents who led with actions and not with words. As I think back to today's sermon, I wonder if I listen and obey God's words to escape His punishment or because they truly are good for me, even if flesh tells me otherwise. As I see my kids struggling with obeying my instructions to study for their tests, I get a painful reminder that I am no different from my kids when I knowingly disobey God because I don't believe my Father to know what is best for me.
May He change my actions. May I pray for my kids to see my actions and be changed. May they see them and change, without hearing them.
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