A heavy, heavy heart...
Many times today I wondered, what am I doing here? My sister's home alone with an ailing family dog and I can't do anything but feel helpless. The work rate at the training is beyond the worst of my banking days, because there is so much uncertainty ON TOP of ridiculous amount of work that needs to be completed in conjunction with folks who are, let's just say, different from me. The car still needs to be fixed and sold. I still need to process what my parents are about to do. And work will continue to be difficult this week. Why couldn't I be satisfied with my six-figure salary and mostly cushy job?
Starting from June, I feel like I have been tested like never before. Just so many things going on, many people being difficult and hurtful, so many of my flaws being exposed and searing through my conscience, I feel utterly helpless and keep on asking myself, did I make a right decision in March to quit?
I don't think I will find an answer right away; but I know Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 23 and Philippians 4. My eyes teared up as I browsed some Psalms, for that was the only way I could find comfort: knowing that He is there for me now, as He always has been and will always be.
I will meet my summer school kids tomorrow for the first time. Baby steps.
I do find strength in this: when my heart got heavy, especially after talking to my sister tonight, my first instinct was to take out the Bible and plead with Him. Urging him to give me strength. Be there with my sister. Give me wisdom in the secret heart.
He has changed me, and He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
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