Remember Xanga? I had a blog there, mainly because it was 2002 and everyone was doing it. A good chunk of my college web surfing was spent there, whether writing stuff on my blog or checking out others and giving out eprops.
I can be pretty open in a right environment. Add that to the fact that I'm someone who really, really thinks a lot about random things, Xanga was a great venue for me to vent some of my intellectual diarrhea, some of which were quite possibly life-changing epiphanies and moral lessons for some people out there--but most likely not for most people. The topics ranged from stupid stories as going to the hospital after being chased by someone at whom I threw a snowball (got a ten-stitch job after falling on a sharp stick), an intellectually stimulating debate as to why Puritans settled in Massachusetts instead of the Caribbeans, some new revelations about Christianity (amazing in retrospect as to how some words of encouragement from other Christian girls made me spent so much more time before posting any entry) and just random garbarage that revealed my core self--a description which I would rather not release at this point.
Enter in a stage called maturity #234028903 in my life, and I have realized that many posts have become narcissistic and self-absorbed. Some posts were still quite good; others were awful; and all were becoming fake. I mean fake because for every post, I had a motive to impress others in writing something that's so deep, so inspiration and (for the female readers) so mut-it-uh that it made me appear as a sage (finally living up to my Korean namesake!). While I tried to get away from that and write with an ever pure motive of a simple blogger, it became apparent that I would need a break before drowning myself to death like Narcissus. And a break of two months became a permanent one.
(By the way, some girls love guys who can write well and be articulate on their blogs. I wrote some decent stuff and impressed a few sweet, gullible girls, but I still know that there are girls out there, some who are my friends and perfectly eligible, that woo over guys who are "so philosophical and deep" on their keyboards. Perhaps it's more indicatve of who make up my social circle, but I found that quite incredible. I have always understood why funny people and pastors get the good girls, but writers? In the 21st century?!?)
So have I reached the maturity stage #295793945 such that I am above my narcissistic tendency when I write stuff? Sadly, no. I don't think that will happen until # <~~> (equivalent of the infinity sign in this blog) which means never completely in my lifetime. But there are a few good reasons for starting anew, methinks.
1) I didn't invent the blog, but it was invented for people like me! Don't let my economics A.B. fool you--I'm a humanities person at heart. If I could do it all over again, I'll probably be an art history major with a government minor. I still appreciate good writing, and I think I have lost a touch or two in my penmanship working as a banker over the last two and a half years. So the first reason is purely selfish--for me to regain my writing skills and fulfill a nearly Freudian desire of mine to keep myself engaged in writing.
2) Some of you guys love the way I say things--more than a few people have actually mentioned the idea of carrying a notebook to write down some things I say. Let me embarrass myself and share some of those things--in the beginning was Word, electrohighlytes, Sheferd's Meadow (figure that one out)...people in my small group know more. Just imagine--a chance to catch those richard-isms in writing! Wouldn't you just love that! Now, I do double-check my writing most of time so richard-isms will be harder to find, but if you thought about possibly carrying a frigging notebook to write down those priceless words, this thing should please you very much, no?
3) I think at times, I can actually write stuff that's meaningful and helpful to others. Although most of these posts will be written in order to heal/vent/please myself and ergo you won't need to appoint me as a great humanitarian for my service, I like the idea of being able to write something that could mean something to someone.
4) Lastly, this is very important. I have been, and will always be a people-pleaser of some sort--meaning I care about what others think...what you think...gulp. But through 3894538 of those maturity phases as well as something that my father instilled in me when I was a baby, I have also developed a mindset in recent years that doesn't give a damn about what others think when I feel confident (a better Korean translation would be ddut-ddut he). So what does this mean? I may put an awful post, a great post, a so-so post or whatever--but whatever you as my audience say (or lack of any response whatsoever) will not ultimately bring me down or put me in a great mood. I want to hear your thoughts--that's a part of interactive blogging, although I would prefer a face-to-face conversation at any time were that possible. But your responses, while much appreciated, won't affect what I write and don't write. Notice that this declaration is for myself more than you guys, since you would've probably shared your thoughts uninhibited anyways, either here or in person. But I can take it. Bring it on.
So after this mildly humiliating introduction, I would like to share with you the birth of rickykachi.blogspot.com. Thanks for reading. I'll keep you posted.
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